30 years of marriage!

John and I have been married for 30 years (July 24, 1982)! Wow, it seems like it went by short and then again, it seems like we've been married forever. I'm married to the most positive person I know. He's truly the same all the time. (There is no private John Mahoney and public John Mahoney, or Christian at church and mean at home.)  It's been great living life with him! He also has no thought of one person being better than another. I've seen him in sooooo many situations that prove that. The downcast guy on the mission field is treated with the same respect as a patient in his office.  That is just some of the things I love about John.  He has lived up to his name: Gift from the Lord!
Some of the things I've learned and are still learning in marriage are:
 1-Don't put expectations on your spouse. No one has esp! Psalm 62:5 says "my soul, wait only upon God, for my expectation is from Him."
2- Give your spouse space to enjoy the things they want to learn about or do, but at the same time remember you are no longer single so don't put your interest ahead of your spouse/family. It's also important to communicate your plans with each other to see how it will work on the family calendar. (You are not asking permission, you are considering each other!)
3-Usually money only matters to one spouse more than the other so set up a reasonable budget: tithe, save, pay bills and also budget for  each to have money to spend like they want. John likes to fish and I like to garage sale and antique shop to find old things.( It's like a treasure hunt for me to find things I remember from my grandparents home). Four things about money: 1- if you don't get into debt, you will have much, much more freedom to live. 2-If you are in debt and you want to be free and you do all you can to get out, God will make a way, but there will be no explanation for how He does it except, Wow! He will make a way for you to be free way sooner than you think, if you do your part. 3-Each person spends money on what is important to them. It's  different for each person and it should be because we are different and we were raised different. So don't feel bad if you aren't comfortable or don't want to spend money on something that everyone else is. If it's not important to you than save for what is. 4-Last but definitely not least, tithe (give 10 %)  to the Lord. God can make 90%  go a lot further than 100%. It's His rules and He takes awfully good care of us! P.s. can you tell which of us is concerned about money? Lol My favorit book on money is "Debt Proof Living" by Mary Hunt. She also has a great little book called "Debt Proof Kids."
4-Pray about big decisions and be in agreement. Also, sleep over things, before being in a hurry. John and I always tell people that we need a night to sleep over a decision before buying something from them, if it's a costly item. (It's also a great excuse to leave "the rush to buy."
5-Learn the art of communication in a calm manner. This is definitely John's gifting, not mine. I would get mad, but not John, so you look mighty foolish being in a one person argument! Proverbs 15:1 says "a soft answer turns away wrath." This is also great when dealing with children.
6-in the book ' "The 5 Love Languages" it explains each persons primary love language. It's worth reading to find out your spouses love language (you can get it from the library). Try to do something everyday in their love language. Normally, you do what you want done to you, but that s not necessarily their primary love language. Example: I like quality time or acts of service. John likes physical touch. Giving John a hug means more to him than folding his clothes (even though that needs to be done too), but for me, visiting and drinking coffee with me means more than a hug. Just something to think about and work toward. It's esteeming the other more than yourself.
7-For sex, read "Sheet Music" by Kevin Leman.  It covers pretty much everything.
8-On raising children, be on the same page and if you are not, don't let your kids know. You were raised differently so the best answer you can give your child is,"We will talk about it and get back with you."  You two discuss the pros and cons of how things will work best in your household. You will make mistakes and grow like the rest of the world, but there is one thing for certain: you are doing the best you can for your child and no one will ever love your child more than you! Always pray for wisdom, your spouse, and for each child. A great book on child rearing is "Making Kids Mind Without Losing Yours" again by Kevin Leman. I like that guy!
9- You don't have to do everything. (I'm preaching to myself, actually for all of this! lol)  Like my friend always says: Don't sweat the small stuff! Everything is the small stuff! Make sure you have a family night or day each week just to be together. Turn off all electronic, play a game, have a picnic on the living room floor, set the table like for company, visit,take a walk, build a inside tent, etc. if you die the things you do will get done by somebody so just relax and enjoy the journey with your family. Try to find a common interest you can all do together. One of my all time favorite little books I read every year is "Living the Simple Life" by Elaine St. James. It's a great yearly reminder for me!
10-Have friends over!  It makes for a great environment and heritage for your children.Most folks, including me, don't want to have people over because the house is dirty (I had to get over that or we would never have company or my family would hate me from stress.) Anyway, some years back I heard about the flylady.net. It's a free website for people who live in chaos (can't have anyone over syndrome). She also has a book called "Sink Reflections" that has great tips for keeping things in order (if only I would just do them!)
You can invite folks over for coffee, tea or play a game or just visit. You don't  even have to offer food, but popcorn and pink lemonade are pretty easy and cheap! (10lbs. of Pancake mix and a gallon of syrup from Sam's can feed a small army for about $12.)  You get to know people and spread and receive joy!

Blessings for the Lord on your journey thru life!